A very relaxing weekend indeed. I figured, I’ll write an entry at the beginning of the week as the Oscars is very boring and I know it’s going to be another long week. It’s not that I want to be unhappy or in this position but with no clear direction I do not feel good.
I have to really push myself out there and market myself? It’s difficult as I never really had confidence in life, and reliance on other people – I never really had the opportunity – if I did I guarantee you I would of been a lot of successful in life in all departments – however I am not that type. If I can do it, I would do it for myself and others. But this time, seems I have to really do it on my own and start relying on people……….. very hard…
I really miss many elements in life and one is people that truly understand. I’m not good at explaining anything in general as I’m known to be very vague at times – but there are not many individuals in this world that are able to complete my sentence or thought. Like, if you mention a topic and their able to conclude you may not like something? Or, if your playing a game and people can guess the word without you expressing details. I really miss these people around me but a lot has changed beyond my control and it’s never the same. Sad.
I am patiently waiting. Still….
Canadian group Marianas Trench is in town next week. Here’s a song that is currently keeping me up.
Everyone’s around
No words are coming out
And I can’t find my breath, can we just say the rest with no sound?
And none of this is enough
I still don’t measure up
And I’m not prepared, sorry is never there when you need it
And now I do, want you to know I hold you up above everyone
And I do, want you to know I think you’d be good to me and I’d be so good to you
(I, would)
I thought I saw the sign’
Somewhere between the lines
Or maybe it’s me, maybe I only see what I want
Well I still have your letter
Just got caught between someone I just invented
Who I really am
And who I’ve become
And now I do want you to know I hold you up above everyone
And I do want you to know I think you’d be good to me, and I’d be so good to you
I, I, would.
And I do want you to know I hold you up above everyone
And I do
Want you to know I think you’d be good to me
And I’d be so good to you
I’d be good to you
I’d be good to you
I’d be good to you
I’d be so good to you
I’d be good to you
I’d be good to you
I’d be good to you
I’d be so good to you
Spring is coming. Weather looks nice. It’s the first week of March seems extremely long. It makes me wonder why? Waiting for a miracle to occur (as it’s not in my hands) really does bother me. I’ve decided on a small opportunity that creates boundaries down the road however knowing that it’s a dead end does not create a smile on my face.
I won the lottery once a while back – best job with awesome people and memories. I wonder if I’ll have that chance again?
Spring/Summer seems empty….. while most people have big plans? It seems like at this rate, I won’t be able to go to Asia in the summer.
Heard some news this morning that did not make me feel good. Sigh……. When one situation is still unknown another potential situation piles on the shoulder? How sad, this is never ending.
I understand that specific events happen for reasons – but it does not mean I support or accept it. Even to this day as I had to slowly explain myself today, I feel tears deep inside. It’s me being emotional. I’m unable to detach myself from the situation but slowly I am – it takes time. It makes me wonder how people are able to drop life situations/friendships/relationships and move on fairly quickly? I suppose it is because it was meaningless at the beginning? Let’s continue by explaining it in the perspective of a relationship – easier to understand I would imagine. I like someone but their not perfect. I know no one is however if an invisible blockage or wall exists at the beginning then how does that guarantee happiness to be long-term? This can potentially lead to a dead-end. But as one may say, you never know until you try it out – take the risk. This brings into the debate on what direction should be taken? Do I go forward with what can satisfy some requirements or do I wait for the ideal? …….. I conclude with being lost!
Updated Gallery
Facebook
Facebook really explains a lot of reality despite that its existence is only online. First, it displays linkages for people. If person X comes up to you and says you know person Y and then you question. The answer received is because you know that person Y’s significant other? Now, person X is unaware of the past but provides you other details that is not surprising. Information flows anytime and anywhere. The world is very small. Secondly, discoveries of facts – 1) answered questions, 2) displayed how individuals change quickly in life due to unpleasant situations.
Thoughts
Loves my Blackberry 9700.
Feels fat doing nothing but watching Olympics, phone, eating and sitting. Scars are itchy, ahhh – there goes good sleep.
Finally, I understand what happens when priorities and expectations are pushed aside even if you know it will be a dead end as a change is needed. A fresh start, please.